Let the Freedom begin!!

Ok, for the last oh, 7-8 weeks now Tony has decided to involve himself in alcohol and drugs and disappearing for days on end with girls again. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Miley, several times a day I would warn him if he so much as went back to alcohol or drugs I would divorce him. So, Last Thursday I sent him the divorce papers as well as an order of protection (he gets very violent when intoxicated) and kicked him out of the house.

Finally, I am almost free! the evil tyrant who's been ruining my life is no more going to blame every single thing on me. he would even blame me for zits! Can you believe that? Any whom, i am so happy to be rid of him. this past week has been so refreshing. i really appreciate having Miley. with out her i don't think i would have ever been able to get a divorce. shes been the perfect motivator and distraction. I love that little girl more than anything.

I have had so much confidence come back to me. i have even started to cook! I'm so happy that i'm getting divorced!!!!!!!!

Miley is getting so cute! shes loving crawling around, and even scoots on one legs when shes on the tile to move faster- its so funny! Shes also wanting to start to stand. She will climb up on the couch and let go for a moment until she almost falls backwards. I cant believe it! shes only 7 months and she always wants to stand and walk!

Last night Sterling and I were at Aprils for dinner and one thing we had were sweet potato French fries and someone had dropped half of one on the living room floor and i noticed Miley was crawling towards it (i was in the kitchen eating) and put it in her moth. when i went to go take it from her- it was gone!! She had decided it was good enough to eat and ate it.

Miley's Loving embrace is all I need.

Miley is getting more and more mobile. Along with her mobility is her new ablility to hug, kiss, and reach up for me. She crawls to me all the time now and will start climbing up my legs. its so adorable! She now also says "Mama" which i taught her in one morning! She loves her Grandfather and Uncle Sterling. Her top teeth are comming in and she's going through an stage that I think every parent has trouble with. She is constantly grupy and wanting to be held. Today alone shes crawled to me like 50 times every time I would try and go to the bathroom or eat, but for some reason the only thing she wants more is electronics. What is it with babies and electronics? She would be on the floor and I would be watching her and if i turn around for a second she has my phone, camera, or the remote control in her mouth, and I think, where did she get that? I didnt even know where that was! Its almost as if she secretely walks and picks up said item and hides it to knaw on when my back is turned. Miley is so sneaky!
Miley has also developed a facination with feet- or toes. She chases them around, and I even caught her about to knaw on my sandle- GROSS. I cant wait till my shoe rack comes in from Poundex. It will be nice to have certain things out of her reach.

Reminder: if you dont do it already, throw your sandles in the washing machine or wipe them with disinfectant wipes weekly. More bacteria is on them from sweaty feet and dirty places.

same with your cell phones. make sure to wipe them with alcohol 70% or higher daily in order to remove dangerous bacteria...like fecal matter- EWWW.

Miley can pull herself up now!!!

When stayin at my parents house last Saturday, Miley woke up and crawled to the foot of the bed, and climbed up to the bedpost to examine and feel the different textures and designs in the wood. Amazed as I was, I didnt realize that she had pulled herself up on her knees. Since then she has pulled herself up on her knees with everything. I have also been propping her up so she is standing on our couch pillows to face the backyard where she loves to watch buddy and see what goes on in the daytime. Yesterday she decided she wanted to look out into the backyard so she went from playing with a book on the couch, to climbing up the pillows and faceing the backyard. I was astonished that she made the decision to look outside even though she couldnt see outside until she worked her way to the top of the coushins.
Amazing me even more, This morning I placed her on the floor in frount of the couch and she crawled to me and started to pull herself up the couch using the blanket on the couch as a rope. I could not beleive my eyes! She climbed into a stand and was reaching up for me to pick her up! She is getting so smart!
Yesterday eavning she also started to crawl to me whenever she was hungry and now she laies her head on my chest or on the bed when shes tired. Its soo cute to watch her become more and more loving and adorable. Its like now she goes and does whatever she feels and is more expressionate.
Like just now I went to get her from a nap and the second she saw me she turned herself around and craweled towards me. After nurshing she felt something ( a dryer ball) with her foot and turned around to get it. Im so amazed by this little girl!
Its halarious how she even eats now. When we are laying ont he bed and she feels snackish, she wasll crawl to me and start climbing my belly- even if im asleep. she will then look for my num nums and fest away face down on top of my tummy. its so funny!

I love my sweet little anfle who is watching me type, standing from the couch cushions. I love my Miley :)

Miley: What else is there to talk about??

Lots of stuffs been going on with my darling Miley. She now sits up on her own, crawls like crazy, enjoys baby food, and LOVES to go swimming. I am constantly amazed at how big she continue to gets. She is always examing objects and I can see her growing mind learning and takeing every detail in.
I can already tell that she is going to be artistic like me; I have been told that I amazed my uncle and parents by always being able to put together puzzles and visualize the complete picture at a very very young age. My uncle Virgil always tells me of how when I was a little baby (I'm guessing around 2ish) he and my dad were putting together a car motor in the living room (yeah, I dont know why the living room either) and I was so smart that I would hand them the exact tool that they needed. Uncle Virgil said I would also put together little cars like they were nothing (I have no idea what he refers to, but it really stuck with him). I have always been very good with puzzles and finding what things go to. Even when I last cleaned out my moms toy closet, I would hold a miscelanious peice of something and then its whole image would just hit me and I knew what it went to- even if I hadnt seen said toy in several long years. It was almost creepy how I knew what it would go to. I see Miley being like that, only hopefully she will be a little more book smart like her father.
Miley and I went to our ward for the first time together. She was so excited. She enjoyed seeing new people; especially all of the other babies. She was so calm and quiet and really paied attention. I could just see her little spirit soaking in all the love. I kept telling her that this was our ward which is a big family of families. On the wall were pictures of the recent girls camp trip, and I would point to the pictures and say "see, theyre all sisters, but theyre not related- is'nt that neat? Theyre your sisters too, and even though they dont know you yet, they all love you!" and she would just get so excited! Im so happy to be getting her into church again!

A message to Miley with love from her Mother

On monday i go in for surgery- not thats its a risky surgery, but theres always risk when going under anesthisia and i just want to make sure that Miley knows for a fact how much I love her.

Currently My little princess is 5 months, 1 week, and 3 days old. how exciting my time wiht her has been. im so thrilled to get to spend every waking moment with her- even if she is screaming her head off. I love her precious smile and her little laughs. i love it how she will knowingly play tricks on me and how she expresses her personality so openly. she will alwways make me laugh. she even goes out of her way to do things she knows will bring a smile to my face. a few days ago she ended up sucking on my cheek- first out of teething and wanting to suck on something- but when she realized it made me laugh to the point where i almost peed my pants, she kept doingit and laughed herself. since then, during a game of horse, she will rock all the way forward and suck on my cheek and laugh while shes doing it, knowing that it tickles me and so we laugh together. another game she plays with me is she will pull my hair or shirt or some part of me to her face and put it in her mouth- she gets this adorable "im going to do something silly" look on her face as she does it too. i love it how she always pulls me in for kisses- even if its just her sucking on my lips, she knows that it means affection and "i love you". sometimes she will even use the high pitched "i love you" tone i use with her when i tell her how i feel about her and she will say three silibals, as if she means to say "I love you!" to me. i love how she touches my cheek so tenderly when she talks to me. now i even get to wake up to her singing to me. she will tug on my shirt until i wake up, smile, say something sweet in a loving airy voice, then when i tell her "good morning my beautiful princess!" she will sing to me. she will take deep breaths and in that sweet airy voice do long tones of music. She always smiles and loves it when i sing to her, shes the best and biggest fan ive ever had. Miley will even try to duet with me every once and a while. I wil sing and she will join me, and if i stop, shell stop until i start again. its so cute! im amazed at how important this little girl means to me. even at less than 6 months, i feel as if ive known her my whole life and that she is the best friend i will ever have. shes so smart. she understands picking out her own clothes. i will lay several outfits in frount of her when she is on her tummy, and she will prop herself up on her arms, take a few glances at each outfit, then grab one, stick it in her mouth, roll over and play with it like a toy. when i ask if she wants to wear it, she will look at me and talk like "yeah, this is the one i want to wear today" and not give a second look at the other outfits as i take them away. i love her so much. i love it when she gets a huge and devious smile on her face then a second later you hear her rip a fart. i love it when she even fills her diapers, because she will roll over and put her legs up and becon you to check the diaper and change it. I love how she enjoys baby wipes. she always give a :ahh" sigh of releif when they touch her cute little butt (she has her daddys bottom :) I love how excited she gets when we do the "new pants dance". she will always smile and giggle, and if i forget to do the new pants dance, she will put her legs up and move them and her arms around and hollar at me like "wheres the dance, dont forget my dance!". even whenn we do the new pants dance afterwards she moves her arms and legs in excitement and give and exasperated sigh like "That was fun!". I love the sparkle of her pretty dark brown eyes and how wonderfully happy she is every morning. i love how when in bed trying to get her to sleep she just rolls over after or as im feeding her and be on her belly and turn her head to look at me and smile and say something to me or have her eyes closed and her mouth will suck the air and when she opens her eyes to notice im not right there feeding her shell wine like "get over here!". shes so spoiled. even my mom and april are amazed that i can feed miley while shes on her belly. so spoiled and adorable. i love how my baby turns heads. i love how people are drawn to her and know instantly that i love her more than anything- even enough to deck out her carseat with pink frill and toys everywhere. i love picking her up in the air and plauing airplane. i love how i can swing her around and chew (num num num) on her tummy or little legs in the air and she laughs and giggles. i love her smile and adoration. i love to watch her sleep and wonder what she dreams of. when she scowels in her sleep i will put my head to hers and sing while patting her belly or back and that usually makes it better. i love how i can feed her when shes aleep- i love it how she looks for my niple and always finds it. i love it how one time we were shopping and her little hair was staticy and clinging to the top of her car seat that she was in. it was so adorable! a few days ago we were playing horsey and miley stood up on her own without my help or me hoding her- TWICE! i was amazed. she even did it twice today too and tony was amazed! she is contantly amazing me. shes so strong! her little legs really hurt when they kick me in the face (which she loooooves). she supports herself so much with her legs and all i do is hold her hand. its like she already knows how to stand up! i just know shes going to walk before she crawls. even with sitting, she sat one time after a bath and didnt sit up until a week ago when we introduced a new toy to her and she just sat up instantly to play with it like shed been sitting all her life! on eo fmy favorite things is when were both on our sides on the bed facing eachother and shes in the fetal position hooked up to me and im in a somewhat fetal position surrounding her. i love feeling her little body curled into mine it gives me the most wonderful feeling like i have to protect her and the ultimate love for her. i love it when she looks up at me and smiles or talks to me with those big brown eyes soo sweetly like im the greatest thing in the world.

Miley,
I hope that grow up strong and are an active Latter Day Saint. I hope that you find a man worthy of you. I want you to know that you are more precious and special than anything or anyone else. For the man you marry, choose someone with the same belifes as you. Choose someone who loves you for you and is willing to give and serve you. Choose a giver- they may not be as 'adventerous' or 'dangerous' or maybe not as 'fun' as society may think, but they will love you unconditionally and always choose you over anthing. Choose someone smart, both in life and experience (this doesnt mean book smart necicarilly). As a woman, you should know that we mature mentally and physically much quicker than men. I know that first hand the 'fun, adventurous, dangerous' types dont always end up being the right type. even though its exciting, you mostoften find your heart broken and that can bring you down. dont ever let anyone tell you your worthless, ugly, boring, or any other negative names. These are all false and not true. Even if he apologises a million times, you dont let anyone talk to you or treat you like that and you find the strengthy to leave (I will even carry you if you need me to). You are the most beautiful creature that graced this Earth. You, Miley, Are the prettiest, smartest, funniest, talented, funest and strongest person i know- an so far you are only 5 months old! I can already tell you are talented and fun because you always come up with new ways to make me laugh. i know your a lover and giver because of how you always bring a smile to my face when im down (you littely smile and talk to me when im sad until i laugh and smile) and how you gracefully acknowlege me with loving words and tones. i know how smart you are because i can see you figure things out. in your first few days of birth, at the hospital you put your hand on mine and streached out your curled fingers and just stared, examining how much bigger i was than you. i could see your little mind thinking and figuring out that i was a giant; but one that would love you and take care of you more than another- including daddy! I hope that you are a creator and not a destroyer. in the time that you were born, there is so much hate, selfishness, destruction, and dishonesty. i pray that you will not take part in this. learn to love your parents (and grand parents) and honor them. learn to help others before yourself. yes, you are the most important person out there, but in service you learn to be humble and when you are humble by choice you become so much happier. Please choose a mate whom is humble. Watch out for your children as i have you. your family and children will be the most valuable thing you take from this life. Even if your child is unplanned, love them and take care of them. I will always help you. Since I can remember, I have prepared for you- long before i met your father, long before i went to high school, long before i was even old enough to date (which is 16 by the way)- i have prepared for you, My Miliey Liane Smith. You will one day experience the joy of being a mother. When that time comes you must throw away any selfish needs or wants. Your child will be the most important thing in your existance. No matter how theyve shamed or dammed you, you must always love them unconditionally. you must teach them love and forgiveness. do not hold anger. this is something ive had to deal with towards past and present offenders. do not blame. do not be afraid to take responsibility for your faults- instead be honest so you may learn from mistakes. "A wise man learns from his mistakes; a wiser man learns from the mistakes of others." 'when Thomas Edison was asked about his hundreds of failed attempts at making the lightbulb, he responded they werent failed attempts; just ideas of how not to make a lightbulb'. dont look at things you do as a failure. think of them as learning experiences. Uncle Michael always asks his children when they bump their heads jumping off a bed or falling down "What did you learn?" He does this not to offend his children, but to make them think about their actions and the consequences. even if we do something good we should ask what weve learned. we learn that sharing and service makes us happy and feel good inside. we learn from everything and when we learn- wether from life lessons, lessons of others, or by books- we gain knowlege and knowlege is a power that we will take into our next eternal life. I pray that you will be much like me when it comes to love, kindness, and patience. Your father is wonderful, but can be rash at some points. please excercise patience and love with him. He grew up very differently than how i will raise you and your furture siblings. His life was hard and full of blame and lies. Although he loves you almost as much as i do, he has a hard time expressing love and feelings. please, do not be afraid to say "I love you."
"I love you Miley! More than the sun, moon, stars and the heavens. I will always be there for you no matter what you do wether good or bad. I will always do my best to watch over and protect you with all of my being. Dont ever let anyone belittle you. you are the most precious, bautiful, intelegent, smart, adorable, georgous, loving, adoring, sweetest little girl God has had the pleasure of creating. I am so very very happy to be blessed and honored to be you mother. You were meant to come to this Earth and fufill a wonderful destiny and life- God has made sure to keep me here long enough to have you, and I hope he will have me stay on this Earth long enough to see you mature into a fine loving daughter, wife, and mother. I love you more than anything Miley and My love for you will never dwindle. I love you" ~*~ Mom (Stephanie Dawn Smith) Friday June 4, 2010

A childs laughter

For the past...forever Mi has been sick. Wether it be an eye infection, an ear infection, a cold, and ear infection again, or possible phnomia only a few things have stayed constant- her new ear peircing screams, only sleeping in 15 minute segaments (ugh), and her adorable laugh! I must admit, like every parent, so many times throughout the week I just want to put her down in her chair, walk outside, and scream at the top of my lungs in frustration and lack of sleep- but I dont. It seems like every time I am almost to my breaking point she stops screaming long enough to look at me and smile or laugh. Her adorable laugh just gets sweeter and sweeter. Miley is always trying to play games with me such as putting her hands, my hair, or my shirt in her mouth at feeding time and when I take them out and say "Thats not for eating" she laughs, or last night I was watching tv with her and I laughed at something on tv and she began to laugh; then we both laughed our heads off as I would tickle her or she would stuff my hair in her mouth, then shed pull me in for a kiss to tell me she loves me and it makes everything worth it. Today Tony was watching her and he was holding her up on the back of the couch and she would look at me on the computer and just start dancing (bouncing her legs up and down on the coushins) and had the hugest smile on her face! Shes soooo cute!!

Miley's Tutu

Last week Miley, Grandma and I accompianed the Goulds to a charity fundrasier thing for their ward. Apart from the $xx amount of money I donated (for two yummy apple fritters, some snickerdoodles, and a huge cupcake); I was lucky enough to win an adorable tutu for $8 complements of Lulu's Tutus (http://www.luluTutu09@etsy.com/ or lulustutus@gmail.com) and it is ADORABLE!! Yes, I know, I'm buying dress up clothes early, but it's just too danged cute to pass up (note I also purchased her halloween costume for when shes 3..or 4.. maybe 5 too, lol).

Miley has been really adorable lately. I'm so happy that Tony and I just purchased a NICE cammera (and 46 inch tv- YESSSS!! ^_^) and it takes georgous photographs. Im so excited that I can finally decorate my walls with Miley- Miley, Miley, Miley everywhere! She has finally started playing with her feet; im hopeing that she doesnt suck on them, but thats a later thing i guess. Miley also is laughing what seems constantly- for a 4 month old she has quite the personality. Miley is always taking blankets or my t-shirt and trying to stickthem in her mouth as shes feeding, and the entire time she has a devious lok on her face, then when i tel her "no, hands dont go in the mouth" she giggles and laughs and we have a good time. shes alsoreally liking tv. every time i put her in her chair in the tv room she looks up at tghe big screen, expecting elmo or kim possible or tewwty bird. even right now shes llaying down on the autamon on her belly, looking at the tv- watching the colors dance across the screen. Whenever we are sitting in the computer chair, she fusses and squirms until a youtube video of signing time, little einstines, or super simple songs. when they are on she just laughs and dances in total bliss. Shes also abig roller- meaning shes always rolling around- from one side of the bed to the other and even in her bathtub- she almost rolled out of her bathtub and onto the floor! shes a very wonderful joy to have at all times/ I love her soooooo much!!